The Birds and The Bees: Plagg Style
by Kawaii-Ninja-Kat
Summary: When Gabriel Agreste perpetually vetos Adrien's request to understand the birds and the bees, Plagg steps up to the plate. Nice little one shot, rated T for mentions of sex and a few naughty words here and there. Enjoy.


**Rated T because of the obvious yet mild sexual implications that is happening here (also some swears). I'll be using mostly 3rd POV throughout this. This is a short story. Hope y'all like it. =^-^=**

"Plaaaaaggg!" A startled yet horrified Adrien came racing out of his bathroom. He was clad in only a plain black T-shirt and his loose ladybug boxers.

It was six in the morning and a weekend and Plagg was not in the mood, nor was he ready for this.

With a hand pointed down at his crotch and another flailing about in a panicked mess, Adrien tried his best to explain the recurring situation, "Plagg, i-it's happening _again_! What is this stuff?! I didn't pee myself in the middle of the night, becausethisdoesn'tlookorfeellikepissand-"

"WOAH! Caaaaaalm down. Everything's going to be alright. First of-"

"Plagg, you _promised_ you'd explain what all of this meant to me if it happened again," the sixteen-year-old stared sternly at the Kwami. He was clearly awaiting a long and detailed explanation of the birds and the bees.

~15 Minutes Later~

The boy and his god now looked down at the tremendous tower of camembert that plagg had required in order to have this conversation.

"That's all of it?" Plagg asked.

Adrien simply rolled his eyes, but nodded.

"Take a seat," the tiny cat spoke once again.

Adrien obliged and for about two minutes there was a long and extremely uncomfortable silence until Adrien finally got sick of it and demanded an explanation from Plagg.

"OKAY! Okay, I'm explaining… I'm explaining! It's just hard to…"

"Explain?" Adrien finished for him, patience running low.

Plagg nervously shifted around the room. Adrien, on the other hand, had never seen Plagg this distraught and serious before. It was shocking to say the least. But soon enough Adrien began to grow more and more worrisome as he pondered a thousand scenarios why Plagg couldn't just spit it out.

Was he dying?! Was this the first symptoms of some serious ailment? What was wrong with his dick? Did he have prostate cancer?!

Waiting was making Adrien more anxious than Plagg at this point. Whatever it was, he'd like the Kwami to just spit it out!

"Plagg…" he pleaded, green eyes on green, "you're killing me here, man."

"Adrien. Today I'm going to teach you about growing up. First, I'd like to start by letting you know that I'm here for you, kid, and if there's anything else your father refuses to tell you about you can count on me to tell you the truth."

Adrien eyes were suddenly very hot and wet and he realized how lucky he was to be chosen as Chat Noir out of the millions of other boys that could've been chosen. He didn't know what he'd do without Plagg. He surprised his Kwami by scratching behind his ears- something that Plagg loved but rarely allowed Adrien to do because of pride or some shit…

"I love you too, kid," he whispered, obviously embarrassed to momentarily give up his I-don't-give-a-crap facade.

Loudly clearing his throat, Plagg snapped the two from their bromance to continue, "So, first of all, I'd like you to list all of this changes you've observed from within your body over the past couple of years… you know, things that you may not have seen or noticed as a kid?"

Adrien thought for a moment and to his bewilderment he realized that his body really had changed quite a bit. He looked at Plagg how had this smug look on his face and responded cautiously, "Well… I'm taller, I'm more muscular, I grew hair in new places, I need to shower more often, and then my penis does the weird thing, and then sometimes it does the weird thing and I wake up with liquid in my pants and-"

"Okay!" Plagg cut him off, not really wanting to hear any more of this, "The reason your body has gone through all of this changes is mainly because of a hormone called testosterone. It's the male sex hormone. I'll get to what sex means in a moment-"

"Sex, like I'm a boy and…." he paused thinking of any girl that came into mind, "and Marinette's a girl?"

Plagg's green eyes squinted down at him, "No, a different kind, and I said in a moment, Adrien. But do you know what you just said? You said Marinette instead of Ladybug... She was the first girl you thought of, wasn't she? You totally have the hots for her, but NOW," Plagg started screaming over Adrien's denial to get on with this, "HORMONES ARE LIKE DRUGS IN YOUR BLOOD! They flip a switch in your brain to make your teeny wittle boy's body turn in a man's body. That works the same way for girls- the female sex hormone, estrogen, made Marinette's cutesy tutesy girl's body into a smokin' hot lady's body." Plagg smirked deviously as he watched Adrien gulp, face redder than bisexual-tomato-boy-from-school's hair.

"Boys," Plagg continued, mischievously, "get taller, stronger, hairier, smellier, their dicks and testes grow, they start having more frequent erections and they get wet dreams, such as the ones you had. Girls on the other hand," he stopped and sighed dreamily, imagining Tikki, when they took on human form, "girls develop tits and their asses and hips get bigger while their wastes kind of cave in, they get hair in new places as well, they also get BO, but… they just seem to get more beautiful with every passing day. OH!" Plagg gasped realizing that he'd almost forgotten to account for all of the times he'd been punched when Tikki was menstruating, "Girls, get periods- it's called menstruation formally, though. Periods are just another piece of the puzzle that explains how girls can have babies once they've gotten older… like Marinette."

"Plagg! Stop bringing Marinette into this! I still don't get it. What's a wet dream? An erection? A period? BABIES?" Adrien looked up at him, with suspicion, yet undying curiosity.

"Hold your horses, I'm getting there. Now, your penis, as far as you know is for pissing only. Well that, my friend, is where you'd be wrong. It does so much more. Adrien have you ever touched it and felt a sense of glorious pleasure?"

The blond nervously nodded.

"That's called masturbation. I mean, when you touch yourself on purpose for the pleasure. An erection is when the blood rushes into your dick to harden it. It goes fwwooooop," Plagg cheesily grinned, while showing Adrien with his fingers the route that an erect penis would take, "You've got a lot of sensory nerves in that thing, because it wants to be touched when you're an adult. It becomes instinctual, really. Sometimes erections can happen involuntarily though, like at school or something. It's funny to watch the poor lads at school get embarrassed and try to cover it up;

"Wet dreams are like… an erection gone crazy. Did you have any dreams when that happened?" Plagg asked, eyes shifting between the boy's eyes and crotch. He damn well knew the answer as well as the contents of these dreams but he just _loved _watching Adrien get all frustrated and flustered.

And just as he'd suspected, Adrien's face suddenly went very, _very_ red at such a question.

"Uhhmm… maybe," he said quietly, quickly finding interest in his mundane ceiling.

But Plagg knew all about them already, he returned to his point before, "Well I'm sure you did because dreams like those caused your sexual desire for Marinette to go into overdrive and-"

"PLAGG what did I SAY!?" the wholesome boy now sat curled up in a ball with his face buried in his hands.

"Okay fine, then you're desire for Ladybug then and there, the dreams of her kissing you and then undressing in front of you-" an embarrassed groan was elicited from Adrien, and he instantly regretted telling Plagg about his dreams, "- those felt real in you mind and so your body had a physical reaction. You jizzed in your sleep. The liquid, cum, jizz, is referred to mainly by teachers and doctors as semen. It's a mixture of this milky fluid, but importantly, it contains the key to life- sperm."

"Sperm?" the blond repeated.

"Sperm," Plagg confirmed.

"So, is it like that spermicide weed killer stuff that Nino and Alya were talking about or is it like Kim says, stuff that's poisonous to girls and will get you in real trouble if you give it to them?"

"What? Adrien no.. How the fuck.. You have _nice_ friends," the perplexed cat left it at that.

"Then what is it?"

"Well.. it's a gamoid, a sex cell.. It's a…..a half baby! Yes, every sperm is a little half baby, containing half of your DNA," Plagg exclaimed, proud of the teaching concept of a half baby. Adrien would get it now… hopefully, he thought to himself.

"Huh?"

Plagg let out a big sigh. Damn them dumb blondes.

"Oh wait! Let me guess, I bet girls have the other half right? Is that why most people have a mom and a dad? Is that it?" Adrien was nearly exploding.

Is this really that exciting, Plagg wondered with mild concern.

"Yes. Girls have the other half."

"Waaaaiit a minute…" the suspicious look returned to the teen's face, "if a girl and a boy have both halves, t-then how does it become a whole baby?"

Silence.

This was going to be fun for Plagg. Really fun.

Plagg cleared his throat and put on his kitten's voice as best as he could, "OoooooOoooh Ladybug! I love you so soooo much! Let me put my dick into your pussy like an animal. Then all of Paris will know, when they hear us moaning in pleasure that we were just meant to fuck together, to be together, to fight Paris, and to make babies one dayy OoOoOOoOOoIHI!"

"PLAGG GODDAMMIT THAT'S NOT FUNNY! AND YOU'RE LYING ANDD-"

"Adrien!" The Kwami actually had to shove his cheese to the side to rush his ass over to Adrien. The cat covered his mouth before the boy managed to wake up the entire household.

"Adrien, it's the truth. You see… a girl has these things called ovaries. The hold the girl half babies. Once a month, if the half baby hasn't been completed by a boy's half baby, then the girl's half baby will be flushed away in a giant river of blood and guts! Awesome, right?"

When his holder still hadn'nt replied, Plagg waved a hand in front of the boy's face.

"That is… just wow. D-does it hurt the girl?" sweet and caring Adrien couldn't help but wonder.

Plagg burst out into hysterical laughter before he could stop himself. With all of the memories of Tikki kicking his ass over the pain and the hormones. Ohhhh…. It was funny.

Pulling himself together for Adrien he answered honestly, "Yep. Also, girls get all of these awful symptoms while on their period like moodiness, acne, bloating, sensitive nipples, lower back pain. It might make them hungrier or it might make them lose their appetites. For some girls this lasts only a few days and for other unfortunate girls it might last a week."

"That's awful…" Adrien replied. Then he realised something. Ladybug must've had her period many times, giving him the chance to comfort her, but of course he hadnn't known that then. He felt… almost guilty. He knew he should do something.

"Plagg?"

"Hmm?"

"How do you make a girl feel good?"

The cat smirk returned.

"Now you're talking!" he chirped evilly.


End file.
